A friend and I have been trading song lyrics. We are both strongly affected by words and music. So, lyrics on my brain. In addition, we just bought the latest Jars Of Clay CD a couple of weeks ago, and the words have just begun to sink in. The one that hit me first is Good Monsters. It's like a bomb going off. It cannot be taken in stride (it would be better to not take it at all). It does lose something without the music, but I need to share it:

Good Monsters

All the good monsters open their eyes,
To see the wasteland where the home fires rise,
And the people shouting why, why, why...
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?

All of the giants wake from their sleep,
And roll outside of safety's keep,
And the pain makes them feel so alive

Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?

And we are bored of all the things we know
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?

Not all monsters are bad, but the ones who are good
Never do what they could, never do what they could

All the good monsters rattle their chains,
And dance around the open flames,
And they make a lot of empty noise.

While all of the bright eyes turn away,
As if there wasn't anything to say,
About the justice and the mystery.
Do you know what you are?
Do you know what you are?

And we are bored of all the things we know
And we are forms of everything we love, we love.

If good won't show it's ugly face,
Evil won't you take your place
Nothing ever changes,
Nothing ever changes...
By itself.

Yeah....yeah...aaah

We are bored of all the things we know
Do you know what you are
'Cause we are, we are so in love with ourselves
And we are forms of all the things we love.

Labels: reflection

Sandra is on a Thanksgiving field trip with Adah's pre-K class. She was responsible for snack and activities etc. I agreed to watch Ranen this morning so she could go. Theoretically, he naps from about 9am to 10:30am+, so the impact on my work time would be minimal. I have a couple of deliverables due this weekend and I wanted to complete them today.

He did not want to sleep. After 45 minutes of struggling with picking him and putting down and singing to him and coaxing him, I gave up and just held him. I was frustrated. I needed to work, but Ranen just wanted to be held. He would accept nothing less.

I found myself praying, ashamed of my impatience: Wash me clean. I remembered the song from Bebo Norman, so I served up the mp3 on my notebook.

Wash me clean again
And take me down in your water
And try to make me understand
'Cause in this life that I live
I might have grown a little harder
But so have these times

Where we just war with words
And fight for rights to take a life
In the name of peace
But we cannot hide behind our picket fences,
Abortion lines, and war defences.
I don't understand...

Touch and go, it survives
In this land of our fathers,
The bleeding and the needing
Are left behind.

You say one name out aloud
While inside you feel another
But there is some comfort in pleasing the crowd
So you just raise your hands up to the sky
And scream a verse that will make them cry

But when those politics
They don't stick around,
Those words fight back,
They'll take you down
And you won't understand

So Lord, search my soul
And find the need to break this stone
And plant a seed and finally find me
Find a place for me inside

We listened to most of the album, I just stood in the living room, holding my son, steeping in the divine poetry of fatherhood. He fell asleep in my arms, and I carried him to his room; I was waking up.

The sound all mothers dread to hear:
the crunch of a cheerio underfoot,
representing a million dust-like particles
strewn about the floor,
taunting a sore back.

Ranen just signed "done" when Sandra asked him if he was finished eating. He's communicatin'!

I feel like this post is somewhat like coming up for water. We've been a little busy. Well, rather, Christopher has been a little busy. I'm just the lady who keeps it all going (the food, the clothes, the sweet children sleeping, scratch that last one, he takes care of that too). And, ultimately, at this juncture, he really does take care of all of it, since I'm not bringing in any monetary contribution to the family. Sigh. SIGH. That's hard for me, but it has helped lately, for me to think about what my job is and to run to it with GUSTO. I might expand on that later. And I might not.

As you know, I enjoy bullet points, so here's the recap:

• A few days ago, in just a matter of hours, the Protege stopped running, my PC stopped running, and the car we borrowed from Carey and Spencer started having problems starting. I felt like everything I touched began disintegrating. The Protege is now working, but my PC is NOT. I feel like Naked or something, or like using someone else's tooth brush or underwear (since I'm using Christopher's PC).
• Ranen is still FULL TILT BOOGIE. I LIKE CAPS, by the way. I made this decision recently, now that my technical writing days are in suspended animation. FUN!
• Oh yeah, back to Ranen. He's so close to standing on his own. He's doing a little better with the whole sleeping and eating thing and my heart swells with hope and anticipation at the thought of having him sleep 12 hours at night. IT COULD HAPPEN TONIGHT.
• Adah had some cavities filled and went through the ordeal with flying colors. On Halloween no less.
• I finished my back yard landscaping project. I also planted a camellia and a confederate rose. Now, those of you who are weak of stomach or have no sympathy whatsoever for some crazy new agey MOJO (like having your baby at home), just skip to the next bullet NOW. Okay, so when I gave birth to Ranen at home, the placenta was put in my freezer. If you want to know why or why I chose to keep it there, you have to have the guts to e-mail me and ask (why e-mail to ask? Because I feel like it!). As unto when I had my miscarriage, I thought it would be cool to plant a tree in honor of Ranen and plant the placenta with the tree. OKAY, so I put the placenta (double-bagged) in the fridge to defrost so as not to damage the roots of the tree. I ended up planting both trees without putting the placenta in the ground (why? because I FORGOT!!!), meanwhile, it leaked in the fridge! UGH! Red blood all over the bottom of the fridge. I imagined what it felt like to be a murderer...cleaning up blood (and a lot of it) is NOT easy. Well, this whole retelling reminds me that the placenta is still in my fridge and I have YET to deal with it. I AM A FREAK. sigh
• We'll be in Tallahassee for Thanksgiving, so please come join us if you are in town and want to be thankful (and full) together!
• Christopher and I were on a "date" at Target scanning the clearance racks for clothes for our children when we found a t-shirt that said "Rock Star" on it. We bought it for Adah. The other evening, she walked into the dining room, staring at her reflection in the sliding glass doors and did a little "Rock Star" pose and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Rock Star!" Ahhhh..I love being the mom to Christopher's progeny.
• My co-workers from Hummingbird had gotten together and very generously given me a gift card to Target (for the baby boy) that I received in September. I have been trying to get thank you cards and baked goods sent to say, "thank you with my whole heart." But something keeps getting in the way (cranky babies, broken cars, lay-offs at HB...), but I want them to know that I am Incredibly Humbled And Grateful at their generosity and I hope to get my act together soon to show this in a tangible way. THANK YOU!!

Alright, I think that's all the bullets I can take for one post. Also, my mood is rather RaNdOm, so I'm not posting the more serious things that have happened in the past month.

And now, back to Avatar. Or my husband trying to download the Codec, so we can watch Avatar.